Pope Francis has apologised to all Muslims everywhere for what has been condemned as “white CIS-gendered theology.” Speaking to the UN Ecumenical Commission and Sub-Committee for Region 3 on Monday, Pope Francis announced: “Christianity must engage with the entire world. We Christians must show an inclusive and tolerant love of all humanity regardless of belief systems or lifestyle. Many are needlessly afraid of Islam – a beautiful religion which has spread peace and prosperity throughout the Middle East, Africa, Sweden. Today, I want to speak against this fear. We must understand Islam and our fellow human beings. In the contemporary world, Jesus is present in the faces of our neighbours, our Muslim neighbours who often live in terrible poverty, in warzones, where brother kills brother. We must build a just and equal society where our Muslim friends can take their place by our side. I have therefore canonized Mohammed. The great prophet of the religion of peace is now Saint Mohammed. Hallelujah! Let us rejoice together with all peoples!”
Immediately afterwards, Mohammed al-Akhmad, Head of the European Union Council for International Cooperation and Peace told reporters: “Two million dollar for man who kill this dog. He insult the Prophet he die now. Kill with machete, kill with the holy AK-47, kill with fist, kill with strangle, kill with drowning, kill with wild horse, kill with Taharrush, throw dog off building, crush dog with wall, wall must be stone and each stone square and not contaminate with Jew.”
The Huffington Post commented: “Pope Francis’ statement is a crass statement of privilege and whiteness. This is white CIS-gendered theology. By attempting to canonize the Prophet, he perpetuates the problematic and divisive stereotype, which can only lead to further tensions between the religion of peace and Western capitalism, going back to the Middle Ages, of crusaders discriminating – often violently but always from a position of power and unfair privilege – against Islam. This is precisely the kind of rhetoric Donald Trump expouses.”
Pope Francis responded by offering absolution for all sins, and a full apology to all Muslims. “This is an unfortunate misunderstanding,” he told reporters. “I feel only love and admiration for my Muslim children.”
Mohammed Bin Shariff, a prominent leader in the Muslim community, vowed “death and death and more death” to Pope Francis for his apology, adding: “It is not possible that this white devil had 1.6 billion children. I have ten wives, and I have taken many war brides, and even I am not having so many sons.”
Pope Francis was unavailable for comment.